MARRIAGE - 2

“Marriages are made in heaven but entire hell breaks out on earth.”
To observe your society is one of most fascinating phenomena. And that too be born in a generation which has so much to choose and so many forces acting against it , is even more thrilling. We – the middle class urban young generation – pompously call ourselves Gen X. but one issue which has confused us the most is marriage and to witness so many varying and mutually contrasting cases happening all around me has made me sit on my computer after so many days to finally write again for my blog.. :)
Let me start with few practical examples, I witnessed around me:
1. Guy falls in love with the girl and after few meetings both are continuously in and out of love. They fight; decide to call off the relationship and with insatiable desire of love come together again. Finally guy decides to end it but is still the end?? Confusion prevails though the search is on.
2. Guy falls in love with a girl. Guy is Bihari and girl is gujju. They met on orkut, after few chats on G talk liked each other. The phone conversations increased the bond and few meetings increased the intimacy. Both were in deep love and decided to run away, if parents don’t agree. But parents put emotional and social pressure on girl; she succumbs and agrees for the boy of their choice. Later her groom turns out to be of criminal background and she is devastated. The guy is on for search again.
3. Guy is against love and all crap. Somehow a girl on net clicks her. After orkut, G talk and phone talks they meet and love kindles in barren heart. Beauty with brains, that too in same caste and a good salary package what more guy could have asked? But when matter reached family, Mangal appeared on the scene as villain. With her son adamant, mother finally agreed after lot of reluctance. While the couple was getting intimate with love, mothers were brewing some other conspiracy. Their hard work paid and with questions of respect and honour the alliance withered away.
4. Girl is a Rajput and guy is a Vaishya (speaking in colonial sense). Guy is a comp engg in L&T and girl is a software engg in TCS. After a long relationship from school days till they both got into jobs, finally they approached their parents. Guy’s family approached girl parents and they instantly agreed for a good, dowry less marriage never realizing they have more people to answer to! Girls Mama instantly roared against the proposal , citing issues of honor and respect again. How can we give our girl to a lower caste shudra!!! (But the guy is a computer engg, no?). The alliance was called off.
5. They were deeply in love. And they were smart – both well educated, rich and more so of the same caste. But alas after marriage the dream shattered and guy sarcastically remarks- “why do people oppose love marriage? Once married, they will as such get sick of each other.”

The examples can continue, but the essence is the fight of ideology between two generations. The changing equations of our society which have placed love against caste honour, the horoscope against the compatibility, the society against the individual and children against their parents. What’s more successful – haven’t we heard that there are more divorces in love marriage. Is not arrange marriage better where love grows slowly with care and companionship? Or love never grows; two individuals just share common space, with little affection for each other?

Few months back I came across a book “marriage and Morals “by B Russel and it was like an eye opener. It made me realize that especially in India; we live a life which can at best be defined as hypocritical. With an ever increasing influence of capitalism, we are becoming consumerist but still want to cling to our old traditions. In the bargain we are taking the worse of both the system, instead of better! No wonder this traditional outlook and modern in thinking generation of ours is fooling ourselves and everyone around us. The taste and happiness of a good marriage has given way to a cold alliance and a burden of compromise.
So is there something wrong, are we becoming better or worse? One can look it both ways depending on his/her outlook. But a recent remark by one of my uncles to his daughter bewildered me, when he said “Love marriage is a selfish individualistic attitude by people who don’t care about their family and society.” This made me think and finally I realized relations and particularly marriage is also a part of human evolution and development. It is bound to change with changing socio-economic conditions and is a great mirror to prevailing ideologies in a society. This made me think of few old systems and the position and importance of marriage in them. This is a summary of the development I observed:-
1. In the starting days, man had no idea of how children are born. Relations were promiscuous and there was no concept of marriage. The condition prevailed in small groups.
2. Next came the concept of family, with the issue of private ownership at its base .Man started having his property and thus his own family. Since the concept was based on man, polygamy was accepted norm and society changed from matriarchal to patriarchal. The outlook of man was limited, he was still growing and became aware of the fact that babies are not sent by God. The man was the hunter and woman child bearer. The expectations were few and there was no disorder.
3. With the next stage of development, things changed drastically. Now there were two classes with different norms and ways of living. Thus their marriages were also different. The lower strata married, so that they can get a wife who can do all the household work, serve him properly and bring up his children. It is in this age that position of women came down badly. She was just little above a servant, always working under husbands thumb. In the higher strata of the society, that is nobles and kings, the purpose of marriage was different. By marrying their children they used to form a new alliance, develop friendship and show off their money and power. Though the position of women was better in this section, still they lacked any actual power. They were like dolls, beautiful well groomed with no powers and little intellect.
4. In a feudal society the concept was little different from the previous one. The position of women became worse, as she served both her husband and landlord. Burdened with hard work, debt and other evils her life became horrific. The upper strata marriage concept was again based on forming alliance. Instead of the union of two individuals it was the union of two families (as we still say in India). In this union the welfare of individuals was never the issue. The main issues were how much dowry can be given, what is the social position of the family, how the alliance will benefit both the families. In India the marriages are still following this trend. Dowry is a very big consideration. While many people maintain different relations in their teenage time and younger times, they prefer arrange marriage. The issue of mutual compatibility of two partners is given least consideration, and a gamble is played with a thing like marriage. But the issue is why these marriages were so successful earlier? One of my aunts told me during their times girls were very obedient and tried to compromise with whatever prevailing conditions in their in-laws house. While these days, girls are arrogant and uncompromising. And when I asked whether her compromise was willing or forced, she just kept quiet. The anger in her eyes said it all. It was an accepted norm that women have to adjust compromise and settle themselves in their new environment. Their own emotional, physical and all other needs were secondary to bound to be sacrificed at the altar of family. It was an alliance based on subjugation of the weaker partner and though there were elements of love in it, the bases were compromise and not love. The women were kept under the thumb of man and the family prevailed. But then why there were no divorces? The reason is for a woman who was not economically and socially independent, divorce was never an option. With the coming of this independence, divorce has become an option to come out of this mess and many women are exercising it.

5. This brings us to the next stage of marriage – the love marriage of our present generation, which I will define as capitalistic marriage. Many people argue that divorce rates are more in love marriages. There are two reasons for it. A girl going for love marriage is independent and eager to take her own decisions. In case her marriage doesn’t work her independent mind gives her the courage to walk out of such a sick alliance. But then why it doesn’t work- after all it was love marriage? The reason is prevailing consumerist attitude of ours. Our present capitalist system teaches us to be selfish and we apply this rule even to relationships. Today’s love is not based on mental compatibility; it is based on physical attraction, social position and wealth of the beloved. Girls “want” to fall in love not with a good natured person but with an IIT-IIM guy. But do they teach how to work out successful marriages in these institutes? I wonder NO! Guys look out for a beautiful girl, with a good job and rich father. Any relationship which is based on a short term gratification of material desires are bound to lose their sheen sooner or later. And this is what happens with our present love marriages.
(I left in between to write about the “ideal” marriage. In the meantime, the cases of ‘honor killing’ have filled the media. Though they were happening all around since some time, what caught attraction of the media was the killing of one of their fellow journos. The killing of a well educated girl with a good job, having a live-in relationship with her boyfriend, 12 weeks pregnant by her well educated mother is brutal. And in 3 days may be some 10 cases filled up the media around us! All cases inspired by the 1st case? Definitely not, it’s just media got some respite from IPL and our dear politicians to show some “other” stories too. But the number shows that such cases are happening at an alarming rate. And the worst sufferer is young girls, who are sacrificed at the altar of family’s honor. To make the matters worse, corruption and good links ensure that all these murders are made suicides. And then our great Khap Panchayats, who never raise a voice about social problems as worse as female feticide, are supported by great Jindals and Chautalas on the issues of brutal killings of young couples.
Why this intolerance? The simple reason is while the liberalization of our economy raised the lust for money, it did nothing to educate us on social issues. The result is a deadly cocktail of feudal, colonial and capitalistic values in our society today. Parents are happy when their children attain good scores and jobs, because that’s the ticket for big bucks. But when it comes to marriage, they want the existing rules to continue as it gives the sense of power and authority. And anyone who defies this norm is dealt with severely. However the trend can’t continue for long. It has to give way to the changing socio-economic conditions. Young people, armed with social and economic independence, can’t be reined by values which have lost all their meaning today. )

6. Coming back to our original topic, now I want to define something called “ideal” marriage. And I will agree with most of the people here, that practically there is nothing called ideal in this world. What we have is a perfect picture in front of us and what should aim for, is to always strive for that ideal. Marriages like any other relationship are to be worked upon and not just left to stagnate. There is nothing called “happy everafter” because a relationship has to go through its ups and downs and this only adds taste to it. What’s the value of laughter without tears?
Family is a small segment of society and is a reflection of its values and culture. For a happy family, the prevailing socio-economic conditions should be at least comfortable. With a 12 hour job, office politics, lust for money and power- there is hardly anytime left to work upon your marriage.
Even the first stage – that’s the selection of partner is faulty. In my view, the only thing we should look in our partner is compatibility. Though your taste may differ, but the basic things –like your aim in life, your principles and goals should be common. Else, while one considers money most important and other person gives it least importance, it’s a path to sure shot failure. The “love” should be a feeling born out of closeness and compatibility, not out of looks and money. Only a love based on fundamental values will last for long. And it’s only this love which can drive a person for a successful and happy marriage.

IN THE END??

It is the journey that gives us happiness, not the destination--- goes one of the dialogue of the great movie PEACEFUL WARRIOR. Is int it right that the means matter more than the ends ? that the way should be enjoyed whatever be the destination?

but still when we look back don't we think many times - why the fuck did i waste my time in doing that? what was the use of wasting so many hours in that work? it had happened with me many times - i keep planning and the never execute. i keep thinking but the events turn out to be exactly opposite of what i thought . i keep expecting and get nothing in answer! And still when we now the thing is not going to matter in " long run" we keep doing it - as an addiction ! should i stop eating junk food for a better health in long run? should i keep planning for a better life? should i keep thinking for a better way of life? trying to live for a better disease free life and then die suddenly?should i keep thinking about how world will be a better place? OR STOP- because in the end it does even matter- what you keep planning!
As says one of my Fav song in Linkin park


It starts with love

One thing
I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme to explain in due time
(All I know)

Time is a (valuable thing)
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock (ticks life away)
(It's so unreal)

Didn't look out (below)
Watch the time go (right out the window)
Tried to hold on, but (didn't even know)
I wasted it all just to(watch you go)

I kept everything inside
And even though I tried
It all fell apart
What it meant to me
Will eventually be
A memory
Of a time

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter.

I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter.

One thing
I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme to remind myself how I
(Tried so hard)

In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised(It got so far)

Things (aren't the way they were before)
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me(In the end)

You kept everything inside
And even though I tried
It all fell apart
(What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I)

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

I put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There's only one thing you should know

I put my trust in you!
Pushed as far as I can go!
For all this!
There's only one thing you should know!

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

PS: beta answer is balance! plan but dont make those plans ur life! be flexible - desire but don't make those desires ur aim in life! Live but don't make life as ur only possession!

HUMAN BONDAGE

Life is beautiful- as beauty lies in diversity. Just when u feel that there is everything perfect in life , it brings you back to mother earth and when you feel life is hell , it takes you back to heaven unexpectedly. It keeps happening with all of us, sooner or later and this is what makes life beautiful, its unpredictability and ups and down – like an open ended adventure! And this is the best adventure because it teaches you life long lessons.

It happened with me again few days back, though not like hell but life had become monotonous with same routine day and again. I was passing more of my time in the virtual world with little excitement in the real world. The break came in a much unexpected form –I was expecting a very boring trip but it turned out to be otherwise.

It was my 2 weeks with people who were different from me in every way- language, complexion, culture, social status, profession, family. It taught me the lesson of social behavior and human values which I had witnessed nowhere else. I carried a bundle of books, as I was expecting a very lonely trip with that language barrier. But I got so immersed in books, as always, that the books which I took for two weeks got over in 3 days. What next, was my next question as I found myself among total strangers? Though they were there with me since 3 days, but only physically, mentally I was in the paradise of books. It was a fascinating world with me flowing with the characters in their romance, love, grief and tragedy as well as those socio-political books which “take your socks off”! But this left me even more miserable as there was no one with whom I could discuss anything about those books and now I had 10 more days left with nothing much to do.

They were very different people, all of them Malyali, two of them could somehow utter some English words and one could utter Hindi, my only hope of survival there. Most of them from the lower class such as carpenter, bus conductor, small shop owner and like. Majority were Muslims and Christians. Only 1 was a contractor, that too from Delhi, so I was looking forward to some help from him. But within two days my whole perspective changed as I found Mr. Rich the most unsocial of all while others were so eager to help me, so much interested in me. The way they helped me initially, I was thinking they are looking for some reward as most of the people do in today’s world, being so called practical!

This is the problem with us-the middle class. We don’t do things without any purpose. It is very difficult for us to realize that some body will do our work on his initiative without expecting anything in the return. But that was the thing I found different in that lower class. With very few resources at their disposal they know the meaning of sharing and in that bargain loving. The care they showered on some one like me, who doesn’t speak their language, doesn’t belong to their religion, caste or community won my heart in 1 day. Then there was so much fun with them sharing our time together. There were no gadgets, no means of entertainment still it was such a nice time. With such a big language barrier, it was still so fascinating to share our things and times together. Their genuine interest in me, my life my world, their small jokes and little talks with Malayalam dessert decorated with bits of English toppings was one of the tastiest dishes I ever had in my life. And as my didi says though I never had any luck with young ladies, elderly people always find an image of their son in me. They showered me with their motherly love and it was deeply touching.

In the initial days I was waiting for my departure from that place as early as possible, back to my friends, orkut and “my life”. But last day I was feeling that nostalgia, u feel when you leave people whom u love dearly. I could sense it in them also. How just two weeks can develop a human bondage like this? I learnt the new lesson of life- love is above everything. And this makes me wonder about all those fights between different religions, caste and cultures. Human beings are not bonded by these small things, they are bonded by emotions and love which knows no barriers, no walls, no country and which can never be eroded! After all some times “Kanni Pyar” seems to be tastier then most expensive Pizza!

LOVE ACTUALLY

PART I

Note: All the scientific data is not writer’s personal opinion. It is taken from Nat geo channels program, "Naked Science" and Nat geo magazine (Feb 2006), article "Love" by Lauren Slater with the input from writers environment.

What is Love? One can get thousands of answers for this one word. It’s a feeling which has disturbed every person at least once in his/her life. Its the feeling which brings the most out of a person by making him extra active and which can doom a person by making him totally reactive. Behind every successful man there is a woman and the same stands for every unsuccessful one. Love brings the best out of a person and also the worst. It’s the feeling which makes even Vishwamitra give up his goal in life and it’s the same feeling which makes Romeo Juliet the most loved story of all times. Just look around you and you can find thousands of people "madly" in love and an equal or greater than that sick due to love. It can show new frontiers of joy and at the same time new frontiers of melancholy. It’s the best feeling a person experiences in his lifetime and also the worst.



PART II

I have one friend who was the saint in true sense ( ya ya more than me). Always immersed in his studies, he used to just follow his daily routine from dawn to dusk. All this before he got infected by the bug called lovesickness. Everyone could witness a new sense of joy, liveliness and energy in him. His grim face started bearing an evergreen smile. The most studious guy of our class became a Casanova. The guy who used to clear all our doubts in studies now had just one solution for every problem-"Experience the true love”. But then something happened to the "true love" and we could witness a new sinusoidal wave of happiness and sadness in his daily life. Whatever the factors, finally the story ended with making him more serious than ever before.

So is love the evergreen feeling which gives the meaning to our life or it’s just a physical attraction which ends after sometime. Is it the force which drives us to experience the new wonders of life or its an infatuation which ends with a state of misery and sometimes even depression. What drives the true love- the attraction towards opposite sex or the companionship to share our life with our better half. Is it the union of two bodies driven by genes to carry on the process of human reproduction or the union of two souls for eternity?

Let’s enter the realm of science to answer the questions regarding one of the most complex feelings of humans. Firstly there is a great difference between love and lust. Lust is driven by our old genetic habits of mating to reproduce. It’s the instinct to carry forward the human race. Its one of the most primitive desires, the animal instinct as it was actually present when human brain was same as that of other animals. Thus it is triggered by physical parameters which actually denote how healthy the partner is. Lust involves very small bond ship and is driven by a short term goal. Lust is the sudden out burst of Adrenaline. Since Adrenaline outflow is increased by the feelings of anxiety, fear there are more chances of physical intimacy when such feelings are present. To prove this scientists asked one girl to stand first on a high, narrow bridge and later on a low, flat bridge. She was asked to give her number to all the guys passing through those bridges. And the response from the narrow bridge was 3 times more!
But since Adrenalin is a short lived hormone the effect of Lust is short lived and doesn’t bring any feeling of intimacy or bond ship. While it excites the brain highly it never gives that "Good' feeling, which only love can give. Lust is the aim of the pleasure seeking part of the brain.

PART III


Love is a different feeling all together. It brings the feeling of ecstasy and exhilaration, a new meaning to the life. Things which used to matter most take a back seat while things, which you always considered stupid, become most important to you. The romantic novels, movies which used to be time wastage once become the most enjoyable thing. A continuous smile covers the face and small jokes become hilarious. The body is filled with a new vigor and energy. There is a saying , love and "Mamta" are the two feelings which make a person blind. A person in love is in a "Trans" state, something akin to drugs. His only wish is that this dream should never end. And for all this energy, ecstasy one should say thanks to Dopamine. "In the right proportions Dopamine creates intense energy, exhilaration, focused attention, and motivation to win rewards. It is why when you are newly in love , you can stay up all the night, watch the sun rise, run a race, ski fat down a slope ordinarily too steep for your skill. Love makes you bold, makes you bright, makes you run real risks, which you sometimes survive and sometimes do not."

But the question is what triggers love. Why do you feel in love with only that one person and not with thousands of others around you? This is the most complex part and countless theories can be given on this subject. This can be attributed greatly to our genes. All of us admire one or the other traits in other human beings. For some it is beauty, for some intelligence. Some of us admire introverts and some extroverts. You may even lack this trait yourself but your sub conscious mind admires this trait and thus the theory opposite type attracts each other. And since more often than not, we started admiring these traits in our parents it explains the theory of Freud. And since we are acquiring this trait from our very initial experiences as a child it satisfies the theory of Jung that “passion is driven by some kind of collective unconscious". And thus people fall in love with those who give them a feeling of "feels right" or "feels similar". And since these traits are different from person to person that is why the person you love may not necessarily love you! As the traits which he admires may not be present in you .Moreover once you propose to some person that person may feel to be superior to you and thus can not fall in love with you. The same thing happens when somebody else proposes to you, but since you cannot find that superior trait in that person, you may also not find your "true love" in that person. And this satisfies the theory that the person you love may not love you, and you may not love the person who is in love with you. Sounds confusing? Blame our subconscious mind! So love is only developed when both people find the traits in their partners. Now lets look what happens in love?


PART IV


When in love, the person feels the eternal bliss, the beauty and happiness of life. Love becomes everything in life. No wonder we often hear, “Darling you are everything in my life, I will die without you.” Hello, what about your parents and friends? Love occupies the entire mind; the person losses the logic and he cant differentiate what is good and what is bad in his partner. He feels his partner to be picture perfect with whom he will spend his entire life in love and happiness. He ignore his friends, family and everything just love and pure love! What gives love this awful power? No it’s not your dedication in love, its serotonin imbalance. Yes this makes you that feel good factor and that “trans” state. The person in love is similar to person addicted to drugs. And that is why when this beautiful dream appears to shatter that sick feeling comes. This is the reason people find it impossible to get out of love, to accept the end of their relationship. They feel that eternal pain, there is nothing interesting left in life, world becomes a haunting place and memories only companion with a pain. With some people things don’t end here, while some kill the people who “ditched” them, some may turn to commit suicide. Looks like a drug addict victim? It is! Love is an addiction and the sufferer needs lot of determination and hard work to resettle back. It is highly possible with the only requirement of having positive attitude. Once decided the brain stops one may return back to the normal. Love is an addiction and should be kicked hard once it overpowers you! From scientific block,” Love and OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) could have a similar chemical profile. Translation: Love and mental illness may be difficult to tell apart. Translation: Don’t be a fool. Stay away.”

Don’t worry if you have already done the mistake , simply go and see some good movie like Jab We Met or any motivational movie like Life is Beautiful, Life is wonderful and think this is a minor issue and give yourself time and space . By determination and hard work even this OCD can be conquered.




PART V


But the story does not end here. Even in long lasting relationship, why do those vows of staying together for eternity feel like a lifelong burden? Why those flames of passion are smothered in little time. Why love marriages are less successful then arranged marriages? Why we get irritated by the same person whom we used to talk for hours and hours. Why are girlfriends so beautiful and charming and wives so morose and dull? Why after some time (few weeks, months or may be years) that boredom sets in and that love is replaced by a extra baggage? Why commitment ends the passion?

The problem is in the definition of love and our expectations from it. Is love just a “feel good “factor? And the day it ends should we break all our attachments with our beloved? Love as such cannot last forever and it should not , else world will not move a inch forward with everyone just busy loving each other. Passions are not made to lost forever they are just to bring two individuals together. That’s the reason that after some time though passion is releasing same amount of dopamine, our neurons are no more sensitive to it. The brain needs something more and different, as dopamine is released by novelty. “Biochemists say this feverish stage of love typically burns out after few years. Why? Perhaps the brain can’t maintain the intense neural activity of infatuation.” It has to end and people who see their love as this feverish stage only feel disappointed. What they should actually do is to take the definition to new stage of companionship and concern, where people care for each other, give sacrifices for each other and commit to each other. It is this feeling which keeps people together even though that “trans” state is gone and is replaced by some logical thinking. While the flare is required to bring children the commitment is required to bring them up. Problems happen when people don’t accept their new responsibility and want to continue in that “high” state, which is definitely impossible in one relationship. “From physiological point of view, this couple has moved from the dopamine –drenched state of romantic love to the relative quiet of an oxytocin induced attachment. Oxytocin is a hormone that promotes a feeling of connection and bonding. It is released when we hug our long term spouses, or our children. It is released when a mother nurses her infant.” However unlike dopamine oxytocin is not triggered automatically, it is to be stimulated. Thus love, like happiness, is a state of mind- a feeling, and not an object to be desired and achieved.



PART VI


In orkut, the majority of the females are members of communities –“I will Love you Forever”, “why can’t u see tears in my eyes”, “why did u leave me”, all proclamations of failed love and the pain after that. Most of the guys are also in the same state, they don’t just mention it because of their ego. What are the reasons that we are having more and more failed relationships, divorces and associated pains and problems. Why the life which is bliss becomes a curse to so many people? The first reason is the consumerist environment where we are living now. Everywhere we are told to fall in love, that it is the greatest thing in the world and nothing else matters in life. I don’t say love is not a great feeling but there are billions worldwide who are facing the problems of daily living, love is very secondary to survival. Next problem is having too much expectation in love. Expectations always lead to frustrations, once they are not fulfilled. So while no one is saying to accept a partner without thinking but to look for everything in her is digging your own grave. Once things don’t work out, accept the reality and move on. To feel, life is a waste without love, is the most ignorant thinking. Once married stop looking for something more in your partner, accept the way he/she is and develop a bonding. Things are never easy, especially in today’s busy environment, but one has to find solutions rather than cursing your near and dear ones. Like Ajay Devgan says in Yuva, “love is nothing but a chemical locha”, is very true, both in its starting stage as well as later stage. But what differs is the attitude. Love is born automatically, but to maintain it needs commitment and hard work to nurture!

LIFE

It was early March 2008. I was trying to find some ground in my mothers fight with cancer, talking to people, going through the net and meeting doctors in various hospitals. Even I knew the hope is dim but when everything is over its just the hope which is left. After discharging her from a Delhi hospital we came back to Bareilly. But soon the pain was unbearable and condition miserable, not only for her but for all of us. I went to a hospital in Bareilly to find some pain relieve in her last counted days. But India is now a land, where people live for money and die for money. He suggested me Chemo though I knew it’s the last thing I would like to go for. However he convinced me to meet a village lady of some 50 years going through Chemo. I entered the room; it was a quite and calm room, with silence smelling of death. There were two elderly people with face hardened by miseries of life. The old lady was lying on the bed undergoing chemotherapy. What touched me was the courage with which these two people – old, poor, uneducated- were fighting against all the odds. She told me her whole story, about her disease, her loneliness and how poor people have nothing but courage to fight even a deadly disease such as cancer. She described how her treatment was delayed by four months as her husband was not able to manage 1000 Rs and doctor was not ready to start the treatment without that. 1000 Rs! That’s exactly the same amount I spend on parties and outings every month, my monthly phone bill,my jeans costs mere 2000, my bike fuel takes on an average the same amount every month, my internet bill comes around the same. In short these 1000 Rs, which I spend without thinking twice, are the bridge between her life and death. And the paradox of life is I couldn’t save my mother with my money and she who can be saved doesn’t have the money!

Sometimes I wonder how we have reached a stage where we have lost the very meaning of word “life”. How it has been limited to my money, my work, my fun, my enjoyment, my love, my girl friend, my party, my life. How everything else happening in our own world has just become news, fact and figures for us. 5 million dying of respiratory diseases, 2 million of TB , 2 million of AIDS, 1 million of malaria and 1 million of nothing but dysentery. How these have become just figures coming in reports year after year. Millions of people die in our country due to malnutrition and hunger with food rotting in go downs. Millions perish in road accident, riots, encounters and other violence without any base or purpose. But when ever we see such things in newspaper, we immediately turn the page to Page 3 news of glitter, happiness and fun, thinking nothing can be done about this, India is like this only. I remember one of my friends told me she doesn’t like slums in Mumbai, she likes those tall sky scrapers and want to be a proud owner of one of those. She doesn’t want to think about all this dirt of poverty, misery, terrorism and other problems facing our country and world in general. She wants to be happy and enjoy this life, and so does everyone!

But can we survive like this? World is very small today, a thing which is effecting a small village, somewhere in Gujrat today, may have repercussions in Mumbai tomorrow. And then we will be unknowingly, without our consent become a part of the system, we hate to even think about! The horror effecting some one “unknown’ to us today may affect us tomorrow! Human life is very precious. When one farmer commits suicide his entire family is doomed, when one soldier dies on border his entire family witnesses a new world, when a person dies in a bomb accident his entire family and friends are wounded forever.
Can we survive in this world taking only its happiness and ignoring miseries? Can we dream of Las Vegas without thinking of Darfur? Can we live in a society just at its brink, using its resources without giving anything in return? What goes out from you comes back to you.

My friends have always criticized me for being theoretical, just talking and doing nothing. Taking their criticism in consideration I am considering a plan. We contribute a small part of our monthly income say 1000 (nearly 2.5 % of our income) , collect it together and contribute it to the welfare of the oppressed and downtrodden . It has just two pillars to support it- feeling for others and trust on one another.

One of my friends recently commented there is inherent selfishness in human nature. But I think otherwise , we all are inherently good and caring, its just fighting against the odds of society and battered by its indifference , we loose our compassion somewhere in between. It’s the time to rediscover ourselves , to find that “ good” in us , become one never knows what future will bring!

In case you want to join me in this journey of self discovery , please contact me freely at marine.apoorv@gmail.com and for all those who just want to contribute financially without getting “ involved” the path is
Account no.: 020501508197 ICICI BANK

Lets hope we start on a small scale and make at least little contribution to our world!

SPARK

Keep the Spark Alive

Inaugural Speech for the new batch at the Symbiosis BBA program, Pune
23rd June, 2008

By Chetan Bhagat

Good Morning everyone and thank you for giving me this chance to speak to
you. This day is about you. You, who have come to this college, leaving the
comfort of your homes (or in some cases discomfort), to become something in
your life. I am sure you are excited. There are few days in human life when
one is truly elated. The first day in college is one of them. When you
were getting ready today, you felt a tingling in your stomach. What would
the auditorium be like, what would the teachers be like, who are my new
classmates - there is so much to be curious about. I call this excitement,
the spark within you that makes you feel truly alive today. Today I am
going to talk about keeping the spark shining. Or to put it another way,
how to be happy most, if not all the time.

Where do these sparks start? I think we are born with them. My 3-year old
twin boys have a million sparks. A little Spiderman toy can make them jump
on the bed. They get thrills from creaky swings in the park. A story from
daddy gets them excited. They do a daily countdown for birthday party –
several months in advance – just for the day they will cut their own
birthday cake.

I see students like you, and I still see some sparks. But when I see older
people, the spark is difficult to find. That means as we age, the spark
fades. People whose spark has faded too much are dull, dejected, aimless
and bitter. Remember Kareena in the first half of Jab We Met vs the second
half? That is what happens when the spark is lost.


Imagine the spark to be a lamp's flame. The first aspect is nurturing - to
give your spark the fuel, continuously. The second is to guard against
storms.

To nurture, always have goals. It is human nature to strive, improve and
achieve full potential. In fact, that is success. It is what is possible
for you. It isn't any external measure - a certain cost to company pay
package, a particular car or house.

Most of us are from middle class families. To us, having material landmarks
is success and rightly so. When you have grown up where money constraints
force everyday choices, financial freedom is a big achievement. But it
isn't the purpose of life. If that was the case, Mr. Ambani would not show
up for work. Shah Rukh Khan would stay at home and not dance anymore. Steve
Jobs won't be working hard to make a better iPhone, as he sold Pixar for
billions of dollars already. Why do they do it? What makes them come to
work everyday? They do it because it makes them happy. They do it because
it makes them feel alive. Just getting better from current levels feels
good. If you study hard, you can improve your rank. If you make an effort
to interact with people, you will do better in interviews. If you practice,
your cricket will get better. You may also know that you cannot become
Tendulkar, yet. But you can get to the next level. Striving for that next
level is important.

Nature designed with a random set of genes and circumstances in which we
were born.. To be happy, we have to accept it and make the most of nature's
design. Are you? Goals will help you do that.

I must add, don't just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you
a balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful.
Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in
good order.

There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There
is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if
your mind is full of tensions.

You must have read some quotes - Life is a tough race, it is a marathon or
whatever. No, from what I have seen so far, life is one of those races in
nursery school, where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your
mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same with life,
where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth
it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but
this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die.

One last thing about nurturing the spark - don't take life seriously. One
of my yoga teachers used to make students laugh during classes. One student
asked him if these jokes would take away something from the yoga practice.
The teacher said - don't be serious, be sincere. This quote has defined my
work ever since. Whether its my writing, my job, my relationships or any of
my goals. I get thousands of opinions on my writing everyday. There is
heaps of praise, there is intense criticism. If I take it all seriously,
how will I write? Or rather, how will I live? Life is not to be taken
seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card
with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And
50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up?
It's ok, bunk a few classes, goof up a few interviews, fall in love. We are
people, not programmed devices.


I've told you three things - reasonable goals, balance and not taking it
too seriously that will nurture the spark. However, there are four storms
in life that will threaten to completely put out the flame. These must be
guarded against. These are disappointment, frustration, unfairness and
loneliness of purpose.

Disappointment will come when your effort does not give you the expected
return. If things don't go as planned or if you face failure. Failure is
extremely difficult to handle, but those that do come out stronger. What
did this failure teach me? is the question you will need to ask. You will
feel miserable. You will want to quit, like I wanted to when nine
publishers rejected my first book. Some IITians kill themselves over low
grades – how silly is that? But that is how much failure can hurt you. But
it's life. If challenges could always be overcome, they would cease to be a
challenge. And remember - if you are failing at something, that means you
are at your limit or potential. And that's where you want to be.

Disappointment's cousin is frustration, the second storm. Have you ever
been frustrated? It happens when things are stuck. This is especially
relevant in India. From traffic jams to getting that job you deserve,
sometimes things take so long that you don't know if you chose the right
goal. After books, I set the goal of writing for Bollywood, as I thought
they needed writers. I am called extremely lucky, but it took me five years
to get close to a release. Frustration saps excitement, and turns your
initial energy into something negative, making you a bitter person. How did
I deal with it? A realistic assessment of the time involved – movies take a
long time to make even though they are watched quickly, seeking a certain
enjoyment in the process rather than the end result – at least I was
learning how to write scripts, having a side plan – I had my third book to
write and even something as simple as pleasurable distractions in your life
- friends, food, travel can help you overcome it. Remember, nothing is to
be taken seriously. Frustration is a sign somewhere, you took it too
seriously.

Unfairness - this is hardest to deal with, but unfortunately that is how
our country works. People with connections, rich dads, beautiful faces,
pedigree find it easier to make it – not just in Bollywood, but everywhere.
And sometimes it is just plain luck. There are so few opportunities in
India, so many stars need to be aligned for you to make it happen. Merit
and hard work is not always linked to achievement in the short term, but
the long term correlation is high, and ultimately things do work out. But
realize, there will be some people luckier than you. In fact, to have an
opportunity to go to college and understand this speech in English means
you are pretty damm lucky by Indian standards. Let's be grateful for what
we have and get the strength to accept what we don't. I have so much love
from my readers that other writers cannot even imagine it. However, I don't
get literary praise. It's ok. I don't look like Aishwarya Rai, but I have
two boys who I think are more beautiful than her. It's ok. Don't let
unfairness kill your spark.

Finally, the last point that can kill your spark is isolation. As you grow
older you will realize you are unique. When you are little, all kids want
Ice cream and Spiderman. As you grow older to college, you still are a lot
like your friends. But ten years later and you realize you are unique. What
you want, what you believe in, what makes you feel, may be different from
even the people closest to you. This can create conflict as your goals may
not match with others. . And you may drop some of them. Basketball captains
in college invariably stop playing basketball by the time they have their
second child. They give up something that meant so much to them. They do it
for their family. But in doing that, the spark dies. Never, ever make that
compromise. Love yourself first, and then others.

There you go. I've told you the four thunderstorms - disappointment,
frustration, unfairness and isolation. You cannot avoid them, as like the
monsoon they will come into your life at regular intervals. You just need
to keep the raincoat handy to not let the spark die.

I welcome you again to the most wonderful years of your life. If someone
gave me the choice to go back in time, I will surely choose college. But I
also hope that ten years later as well, your eyes will shine the same way
as they do today.. That you will Keep the Spark alive, not only through
college, but through the next 2,500 weekends. And I hope not just you, but
my whole country will keep that spark alive, as we really need it now more
than any moment in history. And there is something cool about saying - I
come from the land of a billion sparks.

knights and princess

This introduction given by RIchard Bach for his novel The Bridge Across Foreever is one of the superb writings i have ever seen so copying it here


We think, sometimes, there’s not a dragon left. Not one brave knight, not a single princess gliding through secret forests, enchanting deer and butterflies with her smile.
We think sometimes that ours is an age of past frontiers, past adventures. Destiny, it’s way over the horizon; glowing shadows galloped past long ago, and gone.
What a pleasure to be wrong. Princess, knights, enchantments and dragons, mystery and adventure…not only are they here-and-now, they are all that ever lived on earth!
Our century, they’ve changed clothes, of course. Dragons wear government-costumes, today, and failure-suits and disaster-outfits. Society demons screech, whirl down on us should we lift eyes from the ground, dare we turn right at corners we’ve been told to turn left. So crafty have appearances become that princesses and knights can be hidden from each other, can be hidden from themselves.
Yet masters of reality still meet us in dreams to tell us that we’ve never lost the shield we need against dragons, that blue-fire voltage arcs through us now to change our world as we wish. Institutions whispers true: we’re not dust, we’re magic!
This is a story about a knight who was dying, and the princess who saved his life. It’s a story about death-powers that seem and life-powers that are. it’s a tale of the one adventure that matters most, I think, in any age.
What’s written here happened in fact very nearly the way it’s turned out in print. I’ve taken a few liberties with chronology, some people in the book are composites, most of the names are fictitious. The rest I couldn’t have invented had I tried; the truth wasn’t plausible enough to have been fiction.
As readers see behind writers’ masks, you’ll see what drove me to put these words on paper. But sometimes, when the light’s just so, writers can see behind readers’ masks, as well. In that light, perhaps I’ll find you and your love walking somewhere along these pages with me and mine.

GREAT SAYINGS

"Is [God] willing to prevent evil, but not able? then is he impotent. Is he able, but not willing? then is he malevolent. Is he both able and willing? whence then is evil?" ---Epicurus


Criticism and independent thinking are the two indispensable qualities of a revolutionary.
-------Bhagat Singh

"The aim of life is no more to control the mind, but to develop it harmoniously; not to achieve salvation here after, but to make the best use of it here below; and not to realise truth, beauty and good only in contemplation, but also in the actual experience of daily life; social progress depends not upon the ennoblement of the few but on the enrichment of democracy; universal brotherhood can be achieved only when there is an equality of opportunity - of opportunity in the social, political and individual life." ---------------------------------Bhagat Singh

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it

------------------- Gautam Buddha

1. "Life has three aspects: Paradox, Humour, and Change.

- Paradox: Life is a mystery; don't waste time figuring it out.

- Humor: Keep a sense of humour, especially about yourself. It is a strength beyond all measure

- Change: Know that nothing stays the same."


2. "There is never nothing going on. There are no ordinary moments."

3. "When you feel fear. Use the sword, take it up here and cut the mind to ribbons, slash through all those regrets and fears, anything else that lives in past or the future"

4. "Take out the trash from what's inside your head."

5. "A warrior is not about perfection or victory or invulnerability. He's about absolute vulnerability."

6. "There is no starting or stopping - only doing."

7. "There's no greater purpose than service to others."

8. "Everyone wants to tell you what to do and what's good for you. They don't want you to find your own answers, they want you to believe theirs."

9. "I want you to stop gathering information from the outside and start gathering it from the inside."

10. "People are not their thoughts, they think they are, and it brings them all kinds of sadness."

11. "Death isn't sad. The sad thing is: most people don't live at all."

12. "Knowledge is knowing, Wisdom is doing."

13. "Where are you? Here. What time is it? Now. Who are you? This moment!"

14."It is the journey that gives us happiness, not the destination"

India

"DEDICATED TO THE MTV BRIGADE YOUTH OF TODAY'S YOUNGISTAN"

PART I



HI I AM ABHILASH KANE, and my friends call me ABEL .I am a soft engineer working in the hippest place in India –Pune.

My head is spinning since today morning. I tried to get up at 8 but yesterdays “engagements” did’t allow me to leave my bed till 10. The last week was a pathetic one. A project which boss wanted me to complete by weekend else “it will be tough for me”. My mind said “Go to hell” but my mouth uttered “Yes sir”. I felt like telling him, sir with a fatty wife and a slim secretary u may like to be in office for 15 hours but please we are still bachelors with some of our life still left to live. And then who should explain him that my life has gone Topsy turvy since “she” told me ”our relationship has lost its meaning., its no more happening.” I was shocked but then nobody can solve this mystery called” love”.

Her name was Deepti.We met about 3 years back; I was coming back from Delhi, elated to find a job in Pune the city of generation X. Life would be great fun there, all my fiends working in Pune used to tell me great stories about that place. What a wonderful life, I will surely squeeze every moment of my life there. After all youth comes only once in lifetime and one should not waste it. Like all the youngsters I checked the passengers’ reservation list before boarding the train, with the hope that at least now God would answer my prayers. But one of my friends told me that railway software only doesn’t allow M and F seats nearby, if they are in age group of 20 to 30. I cursed the person who made that software. But fate has its own way to unite one thirsty soul with another. A uncle came and requested me to exchange the seat; I reluctantly agreed for the side upper birth but wow it was the day I found the golden key to the door of heaven. With her first looks I knew she is the one (though I nearly feel the same thing with every beautiful girl). It was a dream come true but I was shy even to say a “hi” to her. She was lost in a book with a calm smile on her lips, pink gloss on her fair cheeks and her side locks wavering on her temple. I was lost. I felt I was saying to her “Oh dear how my soul had been looking for you since centuries. We are the ones made for each other”, and all other things lovely couples say in Hollywood movies. But then I found it was only my mind which was speaking, again without any words from my mouth. But as if she heard it she gave me a glimpse and life stopped for me forever. I gave her a smile but she went back to her book and my castle dream was shattered. That is the problem with every love story; it swings your mood any moment. Well I decided its now or never. I took out a book suited for the purpose and sat next to her. 15 years in a boy boarding school had made me incapable of interacting with girls. Though I was a cool handsome hunk suited for any beautiful girl but it was the first step which was stopping me from my goal. I was staring at the book thinking all the time what to ask and what to say. Finally I mustered all courage and asked “Mam please May I know the time” she looked at me with those beautiful eyes and replied “you are wearing a watch”. And I king of the fools instantly replied “oh ya I forgot!” But though I am a tube light but at least not a fuse light. After sometime I replied again “actually it is not working”. but definitely she must have faced these situations many times before as came her instant reply,”oh really let me have a look” and she took my hand in hers. “What a soft touch “. I became dumb and mute till she smiled again and said “No sir it is working properly”. Well I was ready with the answer “oh it started working just now again’ and as if it corrected also itself automatically. But the purpose had been solved by then. The ice had broken between us and though with some foolish acts I was able to catch her attention, my sole purpose at that moment in my life. We chatted throughout the journey night and day enjoying each moment and when finally she told me she was also going to Pune for a job I knew it was just a starting

The ringing of alarm bell brought me back to my present life. How time flies away. Life is a like mountain stream, with turns and twists. How u focus to win over some people and later realize it was a wasteful exercise. But then life is nothing but longing for some goals. It is not the end which matters but the beautiful way. And then the memories are always there to make u feel happy and sometimes sad.

Finally we met, and as the day approached to an end I knew cupid’s arrow had struck me. I asked her for a parting kiss and she obliged. Life changed for me forever after that. Life was a full celebration and weekends were heaven. Parties, pubs, disc, long drives, movies, with Deepti I was really freaking out lives every moment. She was my only aim, my sole purpose to live. We were so similar and I buried all the dissimilarities which existed. My all friends used to say I had changed. May be after all I was in love.

But I really wonder if any story of life really has a happy ending. We were sailing on a smooth yatch of life, my salary and father’s money was meeting all my big expenses. Though I was questioned about the Rs 20,000 expenditure in a single day I always had some excuse and then they were actually never worried. “After all a mini honeymoon in Khandala will cost at least that”. And as all good things come to an end so did our relationship. One day thinking that we are on such a good terms I proposed to her for marriage and she laughed like the way she used to laugh on my jokes during early years of our affair. I was taken aback and asked what happened. She giggled and replied very calmly “this is not the time to get married I have a career ahead I want to go to States and become something Big in life”. On my insistence that I will wait for her, I will go along with her, she finally told me bluntly “Listen you are a good friend of mine but you are not that MTM – marriage type material” or in other words I was a time pass. She later told me that she wanted to marry some business tycoon not some small software engineer. I tried to detach from her but the more I tried more miserable I felt. I was addicted to her I tried to convince her that I will always keep her happy but all that was a waste as she had made up her mind. I tried to reason -I had spent a big 95, 000 on her alone and she replied “that shows ur cheap mentality, we spent it together for our enjoyment” though she never considered all the expensive gifts I gave her, the mobile connection I gave her, the dresses, the movies and thousands of other things which I spent on “her” for “our enjoyment”.

I tried to start a new relationship of friendship with her but I knew she has found “someone else” and last week she finally told me about her decision to walk out of the relationship” it is over”. I was left alone in this world with no one to share my joys, my sorrows ,my life. I felt my soul has left me forever.


After a hectic work schedule I wanted a nice weekend break. I was feeling very lonely spending my nights sipping vodka- my sole companion in my troubled times. I rang up Sudhir my only friend and requested him to come but he was already busy with his girlfriend. But being a good friend he agreed to give his precious 1 hour to me too and he appeared at sharp five. He knew everything about me, my relationships, and my life. His first question was, “what happened dude pyar ke side effects”. I told him the story in short and got ready to listen to his motivational talks, “Buddy life is to be lived fully, enjoy each and every moment of it. Girls come and go but youth remains with u for a very brief time. Don’t waste it pondering over one girl go out and make merry, hang out, party, enjoy. Life is a wine drink every sip of it. Ok! I will leave now have a happy weekend” and he left the same way as he came. But I felt some josh some enthusiasm though vague but it came. I tried to convince my mind and my reluctant body finally obeyed.

I looked with some despise towards my 25 lakh Suzuki as it reminded me of “her”. But there was no other option and so I zoomed on towards the city. I sat down on the stairs of a movie hall wondering what such a huge crowd is doing here. “Are they enjoying at my misery”. Couples with hand in hand looking at other guys and gals. gals with arrogant looks as if some diva has landed on earth. Guys in stupid looks thinking themselves to be super cool. I was feeling frustrated. Why life can’t proceed smoothly why we have to convince others, live on others terms, act on rules made by others. . What is the use of this life in which even enjoyment is defined by others? Where the hell is my freedom? the freedom to say whatever I want . The freedom to laugh, the freedom to cry, the freedom to live!!
But I found no reply only blank faces with fake smiles moving like machines whose life is already defined by others. Who enjoy becoz others say this is enjoyment, who cant laugh becoz it will be stupid, who cant cry in public becoz it will be shameful who cant live on their own terms becoz they are the part of this well defined hypocritical society.

I gave up. I went to a pub; dark and crowded had two drinks and felt little better. After that I passed a running glance at the crowd when my eyes met with a gal already staring at me. With her short dress and smooth curves she was really stunning; I couldn't’t control passing a smile to her. She responded with a smile and I got up from my seat. As I approached, her grin was an invitation. I started with the same old trick “I have seen u somewhere.” She replied “ya even I have seen u some where but cant recall”. I don’t know from where in my body came the remark “I am lying”. But she controlled the situation with her charismatic smile”even I am lying; we are meeting for the first time”. I knew the next step”anyways I am I AM ABHILASH KANE, and my friends call me ABEL”


PART II


Namaskar my name is ABHILASH KANE my friends call me kane{its not cane its cande a surname of mrathis}. I am a farmer working in Vidharba some distance away from Pune.

My head is spinning since today morning and I don’t know what to do. I tried to get up from my bed but my high fever didn’t allow me to do so. Local viadya has written some medicines yesterday but who will bring it and from where. Life was not always like that it was a bad of roses just few years back with some obstacles to cross but now it is left like a parched land full of only cactus.It happened last week; I suspected it to come soon but so soon?

Our forefathers used to live in marathwada with a large piece of land we had a simple but happy life, a small farmland which met all our requirements. I used to go to school and studied till 6th there when one fine day my father came and told my mother we will have to shift, because some “Sethji” is building some SEZ there. There were thousand questions in our mind but none were answered just a little money given, which we were told is the market value of that land. My father protested that actual cost is 5 times more of that price but he just got some beating from “Sethjis” goons and state police. Since that day he became very quiet and from that day started our life long struggle to survive.

We shifted to Vidharba ,my father told me this is the land of cotton which will soon make us rich again and then will be happy again. But there I found “her”-The girl of my dreams.

Her name was Deepti and she was my neighbour. With nothing else to do in life I was sitting outside my house on a pyol when I saw this diva in red ghagra and choli. I couldn’t move my eyes from her. She suddenly turned and saw me staring her. She gave me an angry stare and ran away inside her house. Next day I met her on the road to farm. i immediately jumped in front of her and apologized. She kept her eyes low and never once looked at me. I said sorry again and told her” I will never disturb u again” as I started moving she raised her eyes and was dumbstruck. She blushed and moved away saying,”U can disturb me again”. The day changed my life and brought a new storm in my life. I felt a new surge of energy in my body capable of winning anything and anyone. I started planning ways of winning her. With no school beyond fifth available nearby I started helping my father. But it was a difficult and tedious exercise- Long hours of hard work and toil in hot sun, heavy rains and bitter cold. The only escape in the full exercise were some moments I used to share on my way to farm with her . my body used to ache badly but her thoughts used to remove all my pain. My bruises used to burn but her thoughts used to act like a balm. I had only one aim in life to earn a lot of money from cotton and then to ask for her hand from her father.

My father used to tell me about things which I never wanted to hear and was not concerned a bit , never kknkowing these things will take all my interest. He told me one day about his decision to borrow 95000 from the local moneylender. No bank was ready to give us the loan as we had no official documents claiming us to be the resident of that place . he happily told me and my mai that we will put 40000 for farming and rest for the marriage of our two daughters. I felt a thrill on haring the word marriage “one day I will also marry Deepti”. But my Ma was sad and when I asked the reason she told me that “didi” has told her not to borrow any money from local moneylender. I used to hate didi she was a pessimist finding fault with each and everything. She used to tell us about all tales full with horror and sadness. She came to the village from someplace called Pune to educate the poor but on seeing the village conditions she took up the cause of poor and downtrodden. She used to say don’t grow cotton as it will doom u. when I asked her why she gave some stupid reasons that government has removed import duty from cotton under WTO pressure and the cost of cotton in local market will be very low. She used to say don’t borrow from local baniya , he charges 50% interest rate but he was our only mai baap.but we all listened from one ear and never cared about it . Who is she to tell us that our future is bleak because our sarkar, under some American pressure, has signed some WTO agreement. I always thought she is some pessimist witch who hates us all and never want society to develop. Till one day I realized she was right but till then it was too late.

The transition from a student to a farmer was the end of what all I dreamt in life. Except one hope and hope is the rope which swings you through life. in those barren fields her thoughts were the greenery, in that hot sun she was the shade in that dry weather she was the rain. when I used to perspire she was the wind, when I was thirsty she was the water, when I was tired she was the energy and when I was depressed she was the hope to carry on till I get her hand. But for a poor man even hope is a luxury.

The rains were less and our harvest suffered but still we kept the hope. But as soon as the cotton reached market prices fell so sharply that we all were left clueless – the end of our only hope. Didi told us that it is due to the imported cotton from America. But how can few people sitting in ac rooms in Delhi can issue a fatwa which ends the life of thousands of poor toiling in hot sun. But this was our democratic country Bharat , sorry India. Deeptis father was the first one to commit suicide. Her brother was very young and worthless. Then one day evening she came running to our house. She didn’t say anything, but her eyes said everything. I was left numb. Her brother forcefully took her away and I was left cold and heartless. Next day I was told her brother had sold her to some Sethji in 2000 Rs . That was the last day I saw her and first day when I was alive without a soul.

I thought I should save her, but dead sinkers don’t jump in water to save life of others. Two days back my father, like many other farmers, also gave up. It took him just ten min after consuming a bottle of pesticide. After last rituals yesterday morning I was left alone with so many questions but no answer. Ladies were crying, gents were trying to console me,” everything will be all right, have faith in god”. Yes have faith in him after that is what ll religions teach. Saviour will come fine day. The kalki avtar , the judgment day is going to come soon. I wonder what more humans beastly passions God wants to sea to decide yes today is the judgment day. Why it doesn’t come today and relieve me of everything this life left without a life.Didi was the only one who said something different, “tomorrow Sethji will come and ask for your land for the SEZ project he is going to develop, but don’t give him a damn thing. He will give you peanuts for the land with actual value in lakhs. He will keep you always in debt and then next will be your sister, then your kidney and finally your life, so decide accordingly”. “Decide”, does that word exist in the dictionary of the poor? My fate was already sealed. My blank eyes were asking only two questions,” why the hell was I born on this earth and when will I die?”. But again there was no reply just some blank consolations, some suggestions to have faith in god and a long silence. I was wondering if even there is some Premchand left in this country to even think of people like us?

However the vultures of society are never later in their work. The Sethji appeared without delay, took my signature on paper saying I give him my 80,000 worth of land in just 20,000 Rs. Why I do it? To save my sister from reaching the brothels of Pune for some more time and to give me some more time before I became slave to Sethji. This time I wanted to use to decide if I should follow the path of my father. But for poor even death is not easy. From today morning I am becoming a bonded labour who will have to work in construction company of sethji for a IT city. I will have to work 10 hours a day in hot sun for 7 days a week with any work insurance, pension or anything. And if I raise my voice I will be kicked out the same day. In other words I am a slave form today.

I was lost in these thoughts when some body scolded me,” What are you thinking tell me your name”.

“Namaskar my name is ABHILASH KANE my friends call me Kane.”





PART III

It was the year of 1947 when our “Ma Bharat ” was married to a man who was the slave of British and this while our country was physically independent its soul was still a slave.
And when we thought situation would improve he married another woman called “India”.
This is a story of two step brothers: one the son of young, beautiful, smart India who is the desire of every rich luxurious woman. And another one of old downtrodden Bharat Ma whose is shattered and left to die in its villages. Will anyone rescue her or even her own son will desert her?

We are the new generation X of India. And as defined by someone in his profile in orkut:
Ąţţŗāçŧĩvę Īş Μŷ Fãĉë
▌Ċhãŗã¢téŗ Īş Μŷ G®éåT,
▌§wêêt Īş Μŷ §mïℓε,
▌Añd Üñïqûë Īş Μŷ §t¥ℓε !

We are the ones who want to break free ourselves from all the rules to live an independent life. We live in the moment caring shit about the future and past. Our only motto in life is to “ENJOY” be at any cost. We work hard and party harder. We are the cool, hot ,smart , trendy, jovial, funny, attractive, charming , lovely, beautiful, handsome, sexy and everything which makes us a perfect fun loving human being because finally what is the aim of life, but to be happy.

We are the ones who live in a dreamland even if it means miles away from “REAL INDIA”. So we live our life, in a country where the honor of our country depends on the six hit by our national hero Dhoni and not upon the jawan who gives up his life fighting the terrorist. We are the sons of Youngistan and not that damn shit Hindustan. Our country is marked by motorbikes, posh malls, hot girlfriends, cool dresses, video games and great nightlife. We hate that Hindustan with congested roads, dirty environment, and poverty stricken people.

We love to read The Times of India with its never ending discussions on sex and lifestyle, Mumbai times and Page 3 news and hate The Hindu with its confusing articles on world politics, labour problems and peoples misery .We like ‘Swaminomics’ who favours to cut the fiscal deficit even at the cost of increasing inflation, even though that means slow death for millions. But we hate articles by P. Sainath always describing rural poverty, indebtness, and poor’s problems. . Our favourite author is Shobha De, who aptly says,”India is passing through a golden age better then seen in the times of emperor Ashoka” and hate Arundhati Roy who describes our age as a age of darkness as more and more people are pushed into poverty and exploitation. We love to read Romantic novels, about the land of our wonderland and don’t want to hear about that non fictional stuff which keeps telling something called “truth about India”.

We love movies like Tashan , after all that’s describes our attitude but have never listened about “Chandini Bar” a story about that pathetic “others”. We love IPL with big shots and hot cheerleaders and hate our national game because it doesn’t have anything to look forward to.Our national heroes are no more Bhagat Singh who gave his life at 23 but Laxmi Mittal, who actually hardly lived in India and who spends millions in her daughter’s marriage. Our country is limited to metros because we don’t want to know about other India.

We live in a dreamy wonderland seeking for pleasure and enjoyment but the sad part is we never achieve it. We are strict followers of Mahatma Gandhi’s 3 monkeys: don’t see bad things, don’t listen to bad things and don’t say bad things. So we never look at real India and never listen to anyone who speaks about real India and never say anything about real India. We keep longing for something which should give us satisfaction but that never gets satisfied. And then we decide to leave this shit place –Hindustan, “about which nothing can be done”, and start on a journey for my “American Dream” again a place of new dreams.

From the day we are born we are focused on self, others don’t just click us. We can spend thousands for a party but we don’t have enough to donate for an orphanage. We can spend thousands on our trendy clothes but we are poor to give even a piece to a downtrodden shivering in bitter cold. We can spend hundreds on a single hangout but can’t give 1 rupee to the poor beggar. We never argue in a salon even if he charges us hundreds more but argue for 5 rupees with a rickshaw puller, “who is trying to cheat us”. Our telephone bill every month is in thousands but our moral bill is zero. We can spend millions on cosmetics but can’t give food to a poor child.

Why should we? Why the damn should we be bothered. If they are poor that is their problem. If they are prostitutes that is because they don’t want to work, if they are child labor that is because their parents don’t want to teach them. If they are dying it’s their mistake they don’t just work hard.

See us the hardest working beings on this mother earth , working long hours in an AC room, see that poor farmer he works so less on that farm field that is why his crop fails. See us, we are so intelligent to develop new things every day.See those idiot farmers using same age old techniques. Why the hell can’t they use modified techniques. See us enjoying only two days in a week, see that mill worker who keeps working day and night still earns nothing. The reason is simple we are intelligent and they are idiots or “WE were born rich and he was born poor.”

Ok I accept that “those chaps” are in pathetic condition but then I am not responsible for it. I have thousands of my own problems to damn care about those filthy un human creatures crawling in slums. Since the day I was born I was worried about my toys my cartoon movies, in my adolescence about my first love and action movies, in my school about my bright career, in college about my job, when young about my love affairs , about my girlfriends about my looks then about a better job then about money, then about marriage, then about family, then about my living status, then about my children, then about my children’s career, then their job, then their marriages, then about retirement and then about my pujas to give me a much better life then this damn shit life full of worries which God gave me this time

But sometimes I wonder will I ever have courage to face the reality, to stand against injustice, to help others, to stand against odds. Or may be the easier way is to take your eyes away, to live in a Trans state in our dreamland where all luxuries are there but no satisfaction, where all pleasures are there but no happiness, where I can see but can’t observe, where I can hear but cannot listen, where my body is alive but my soul is dead!!!



PART IV



Now let us listen to the son of the old suffering Bharat Mata.
I don’t know why the hell I was born, out of God’s grace or to suffer for my previous births? Or because my parents like a normal human being had physical desires, but being hand to mouth had no money to buy contraceptives. So I came to this earth without any thought without any motive without any future. Then it was about my upbringing. Either my father was killed in some religious, caste, land or political war or died of some natural cause, as he never had money for his treatment. Or he ran away or committed suicide, as in India every 30 seconds 1 farmer commits suicide with a official figure of 112,000 farmers since 1993. Or he was killed in some police firing while protesting against his hard life or kidnapped by some authorities on “some suspicion.” Then about my mother. She loved me like any other mother, as even poverty can’t kill normal human emotions. But that was the case in case she survived against all odds, as 1.17 lakh India’s women die in childbirth every year. Or she died mysteriously, as India has maximum number of malnourished women. or she was raped as she belonged to a lower class, or some different religion or to some different party or as a ruling to revenge a land dispute.

Then the But even if they were alive it would have made little difference. My father would be either busy in his farmland or as a construction worker or trying anyting to get enough food to feed us two times a day. My mother would be traveling kilometers to fetch water which would be something like drinking water or wood to cook. Notwithstanding that she would be supporting my father in outside work too, and then I was just left to one of my elder sister. Thus both of u with a doomed childhood would be heading for a dark future.

We are supposed to be sub human. And what I wonder is even God supports the rich and not the poor. While people who do all sorts of misdeeds become richer day by day while poor lives his entire life fighting not only human injustice but nature’s wrath also. The hot sun burns only us, we die of scorching heat. We are the ones decorating the newspaper with little news on a side,”50 die in Orissa because of sun stroke” and people just turn the page after reading this line as they know poor’s fate is to die only. Come floods and dams water is turned to save 1 city and to drown thousands of villages. Damn gates are opened to save the elite with the livelihood of poor. One flood is enough to make us start life from scratch. Come winters and we are open to nature’s misery again. And when a rich person’s child ask of a poor child lying on road in damn cold weather without a cloth in his body his father remarks , don’t worry he is used to it. What about you sir?

But this is just the beginning, because more then mother nature it is our brothers in big office to whom we belong. Their one decision deprives us of everything. One fine day they decide to make a big dam on a river side and thousands of poor are deprived of everything, from their house to their agricultural land. Not to wonder “the temples of modern India” have evacuated a figure of not less the 26 million people from their land. Everything in this world is to serve the rich be it land, resources or even we poor. While we serve them as cheap labour, protect them as peons or do their household jobs they always find us cheating them. What about you sir? They can easily kick us look down upon us and throw us away from their place. To make their cities beautiful they use bulldozers to crush slums, which are actually our homes. But even this doesn’t satisfy their never handing thirst for more and more profit. They are intelligent practical people. So the whole world is at their mercy. They feel we destroy environment so they remove us from our forests, they feel we are useless so they put a ban on fishing they feel we are polluting cities so they ban our factories. But even if we stay away they can’t leave us, so they remove us to start mining, to make big factories and then the ultimate show of their power and wealth- the SEZs. Millions of us are removed to make pleasure villas for rich with all luxuries at one place where poor people don’t “disturb” them. As they hate beggars lying on the road, the sick dying on pavements, the poor sleeping on pavements or the common folk around them. They hate us despise us, want to remain away from. And thus on the name of our development we are deprived of our basic livelihood.


But who is to be blamed for our pathetic state? The rich, the capitalists, the government policies or we ourselves. They all will blame it on us, and that’s the easiest thing for them to do. The media is in their hands, the power is in their hands and means are in their hands. We have nothing but ourselves to speak our story. They held us responsible for overpopulation but where are the government hospitals, where is the money to buy contraceptives? And this is one of the few pleasures we can have in our life. And where is the education ?

Then they blame that we don’t want to study. I definitely want to study. Ask any child and he will definitely like to study. But while rich have schools with posh buildings, clean uniforms and laptops at their disposal poor don’t have even rooms and books. Where are the teachers in government schools? Where is the money to buy the books? Where are the schools? Where is the time left for poor kids who after working 15 hours as a child labour keep working in their home? Where is the respite from this treacherous life to keep the enthusiasm of studying alive?

They blame that we are lazy who don’t want to work hard.Have we become lazy just after our governments new economic policy? And we invite those”hard working people” to come and work just one day to work at a farmland or try their hands as a construction worker. We are lazy who have to travel 1 km even to shit. We, who have to stand in long queues for one bucket of water or those who travel kilometers just to fetch water for a day. We are lazy who cook food in chullhas, collect wood from distant land or keep making fuel from cow dung. We are lazy who wash things at a stream just few kilometers away , wash utensils with ash and take bath a large distant away. We are lazy who work in a farmland when the sun is at its peak , insects all around and nature at its worst. We are lazy, whose homes are taken away by winds or washed down by rains. We, who travel for 12 hours a day at sub human places with no rest at all. We who have to work till late evening till sun sets and then lie on a hard ground to sleep. We, who have no light sleep at the mercy of nature,. But “they” are not lazy who perform all their activities in few rooms provided with all luxuries with many workers and maids. They, who travel in luxury cars or bikes,. They, who are becoming obese as they don’t have motivation to “work out”,. They who enjoy late nights and hate to get up early. They who get tired watching TV for long hours or due to chatting non-stop. They, who party all night and work in AC rooms with movement of nothing but their fingers and chair at their desk. They are definteily the most hard working people in the whole world and should definitely hate slack people like us.

We are the socially neglected “other lot” of society who come to this earth to just survive and die. And I just made one mistake- I took birth in a poor man’s fmily

FAITH

FAITH the word is very imp in everybody’s life. It determines our character our response our believes and in a nutshell our life. And what derives our faith is our experience. And two such experiences changed my faith.

Life was going smoothly a great fun but I knew that down side of sinusoid has to come sooner or later. It came and came so well that it taught me practical lesson 100 books of wisdom can’t teach. It was about human faith. Long back I read that life is a play with various acts and scenes. This experience was about the characters in that play called life. This was the lesson about, who should be the central character of Ur play. Life will simple and on track till the time we keep our self as the main hero of our play. The moment somebody else takes this role the end is going to be tragic. The moment ur happiness and sadness is decided by somebody else in ur life, be ready for some good lessons. For me the lesson came soon- the loss of faith in humans. But as they say there is nothing good or bad in life, they are only lessons. And this one was the lesson which every body should get in their life to come out of arrogance, self conceit and selfish motives and more importantly to understand the complex thing called Homo sapiens. It taught me the practical of what I was reading – don’t live in dream world live on this earth and work for it. For the moment ur happiness depends on ur expectations from others it is the day ur mood swings will start. So let ur soul free itself from desires of money, love and worldly pleasures and dedicate it for a purpose to serve mankind. Though it’s a long way ahead but I know this is the first step given be the right jolt in my life. Thanks god!!!

But alas second experience was even much bitter from the first one as it pierced the points already wounded by the first one. As I was licking my old wounds this experience acted as salt on those wounds. And nobody can ever be ready for such an experience in their life. This one was about the loss of faith in God!!
I used to love him very much. He was my only support when I found myself dwindling in the path of life. He was the only friend who used to be there at my side when everyone else was busy in his world. He used to guide me when I used to approach him bewildered with the questions of life. He was my love in my lonely times. He used to calm my perturbed and tormented soul.He was my everything becoz he was my FAITH. And as if sky fell upon me I found that faith was baseless, that support hollow and that belief vague, becoz he never existed!!! Like billions of others I was living in a fool’s paradise where we base our faith on someone who doesn’t even exist. I know u will criticize me, hate me, laugh on me, and explain it to me that no see he exists but alas I don’t want to argue about it. Those cries, that pain, that agony they explained me everything. Leave apart justice of god even human justice cannot justify it. I found my faith laughing on me that o fool where are u pining ur hopes to? On the one who was created out of human weakness and on whose name powerful people fool powerless people to live life of tyrants and capitalists? The FAITH was lost forever.

But destiny follows a path of its own. While I lost two most important faiths, the crutches for my survival in this world, for the first time I experienced a life without crutches- FAITH IN MYSELF. It was the faith in me to fight against all the odds; my destiny is going to bring in my life. Let life give me any no of blows it wants but every time I will stand up and fight back. Becoz now there is nobody else to support I have to stand up on my own legs. I came alone to this world, I fill fight alone against all the odds and I will go alone. I will no more be fooled by either the love of”some others” to make me happy or the support of omnipotent God to save me from sadness. Becoz now I know “Dukham Param satyam”- pain is the essence of life.U has to live with it and that too alone so instead of looking for support fight it and win over it. With this came the new wave of serving some “bigger purpose” in life for the betterment of mankind. To live in a world where FAITH on Ur own self is supreme. Becoz”it is better to die standing tall than to live on Ur knees”. May this FAITH gives me the meaning of my life.

UR LIFE

have u ever felt a temptation to speak from ur heart
u may be very happy or very sad very depressed or very enthusiastic
there has something happened in ur life which has changed ur mood ur mindset ur life
u want the world to know abt it but at the same time dont want to tell the world that it happened with u.

so here is ur chance just say wat ur heart wants as a comment to this blog with unknown. no one will ever know u have written that and u will bare ur soul to everyone. so dont wait and go ahead let ur soul talk to millions of other souls ............

WHY I DO NOT LIKE GANDHIJI

Why I don’t like Gandhi?

Definitely I don’t hate Gandhiji he was a remarkable person one of the greatest leaders’ world have ever seen. He was a learned person who gave his personal comforts, gave up many temptations to achieve something big. What was this big thing? There I differ from many people who say he wanted welfare of Indian poor and oppressed. He wanted India’s independence but that was not all. That big thing for which he disregarded his carrier, his wife and children was something bigger than that.

Different people have different temptations. Some have lust for money, some for women, and so on. But after reading Fountainhead I realized there is one more dangerous class who has lust to just become famous. To control power without actually owning it. The character of Ellsworth Toohey who was looking as a hero to me suddenly changed to an ugly person because he could compromise anything just to become famous. And one image suddenly rose in my mind and that was of Mahatma Gandhi believe firmly that welfare of the poor Indians was never the thing in his mind because to achieve a just classless society is toughest battle which required selflessness while Gandhi’s way required something much easier and bound to give him that big thing he wanted. But people will still disagree with me. So finally I found an unbiased book written by a foreigner only, “Changing India” by Robert W. Stern and he has give just 3 pages but they prove remarkably that ideology of Gandhi was to transfer power from British to Indian middle class (bourgeois revolution) and never to end the exploitation of the poor. And the most evident proof of this is the present state of India where 60 years after independence 75 % people are living below Rs 20 a day

I will not say anything more just read his excerpts-

“Satyagrah as a strategy of interest served the middle classes. Gandhi hated adharma, disorder, and while he never read Euripides, I suspect he knew intuitively that middle classes save states. His own conservative bias and that of most of his lieutenants, and their unanimous desire to keep their nationalist struggle against the British from turning into a class struggle amongst Indians served to direct their mobilizing efforts at the middle. They were themselves the men of the middle, disproportionately of the upper middle and they had their own interests in the property and propriety. Perhaps the Hindu revivalism inherent in satyagrah and its mahatma had their particular appeal at the middle of the society. Society’s middle often provides the most enthusiastic audience for movements that rediscover the folk and its virtues. It may be as Eric Wolf suggests, that peasants who are most amenable to mobilization come from the middle of the rural society: rather than from the top where there is a vested interest in the status quo (as there was in India) or from the bottom where the poverty and debility preclude any organized and sustained movement –only rebellion born of despair. The middle classes also make states.

Might it have been otherwise in India? Did Gandhisim, in effect preempt the possibility of proletarian revolution in India? “
I believe yes and even Gandhiji knew that and that’s why he never asked the British to stop the hanging of Bhagat Singh, whom he knew will upset all his plans and ideals.

“Satyagrah was a part of a negotiating progress. It was meant of course, to increase the negotiating advantages of Congress, but there were advantages in it for Govt of India as well. Gandhi was a negotiator. Satyagrah imposed some limits that might not otherwise have been there on Govt of India’s ability to meet Indian Nationalism with violent suppression. But I do not think that these limits disadvantaged the British. You cannot sit comfortably on the thrones of Bayonets….and the Viceroy was not at a negotiating disadvantage. It was his govt, after all, that had the power. The power the Congress wanted and could only negotiate for.
Related and finally, Satyagrah was a strategy of reassurance for the middle classes. Gandhi would not allow the struggle against British imperialism to be turned into class war among Indians. Satyagrah of course proscribed violence: the modus operandi by everyone’s definition of class war. To this general promise that swaraj would not be allowed by the expropriation of property. Gandhi added more specific ideological and exemplary assurances.

Classlessness in India would be a product of class cooperation rather than class conflict. A product of negotiations between haves and have-nots. Gandhi recognized and renounced in burning words the barbarities of capitalist exploitation, but could not transcend his essential bourgeois outlook and would not!

This outlook was reflected time and again in Gandhi’s leadership of the congress. He readily accepted the support of Indian industrialists.”

(Even during his last time he was staying in Birla house given by a renowned industrialist and his close friend).

“Among peasants families it was generally the landed whom Congress sought to recruit to its banner and who rallied to its banner rather than merely responding to Gandhi’s charisma. He would “fast unto death” rather than allow the possibility of landless untouchables attaining autonomous political power. Within the Congress organization the men who supported Gandhi and whom he consistently supported were those who shared his faith in negotiated settlements and his bourgeois outlook. The only partial exception to this was JL Nehru, but Gandhi knew that Nehru’s allegiance was less to socialism than to a united congress and Indian independence”

Subhash Chandra Bose was another advocate of left politics and that’s why Gandhi shrewdly removed him presidency and ousted him from congress.

“NEITHER Gandhi NOR HIS SATYAGRAHIS FRRED INDIA”

I believe it was the 2nd world war which used so many resources of the British that they became incapable financially, personally and militarily to control vast areas like India. and that is why they left Burma and Ceylon also though they was hardly and independence movement there.
Moreover British relied on their military to control India. But the way their officers deserted and joined INA of Bose raised their alarm bells. Then 1946 revolution of INDIAN NAVY in which 26000 sailors revolted against the British assured them that it is risky now to rule India. So it is better that power be transferred to congress who are more pro British at least.

“ but the ongoing process of negotiations – occasionally interrupted but never terminated- that Satyagrah as a strategy of conflict set in train and kept on course , helped to ensure that Congress would inherit from the British the foundation and superstructure more or less intact on which bourgeois democratic state could be built the civil bureaucracies , police forces and military were passed over virtually intact(Mountbatten was made Governor General and all Admirals of Indian nay were British)there were no expropriations there were no serious thoughts bout the appropriateness of Bourgeois democracy for India. Gandhi we know did not want India to become a bourgeois democratic, capitalist, industrialized country; but he is rightly, if ironically, honored as the Father of the Nation.”

A British officer rightly says in movie “Gandhi-my father”: Gandhi is not a saint who takes interest in politics rather he is a shrewd politician who acts as a saint. What say?